Your Personal Stress Compass: The Window of Tolerance with Hyper and Hypo

Renate Stoiber
Apr 29
8 min read

If you’ve checked out my Travel Blog, you already know—I have a knack for getting lost.

But over 4.5 months of solo travel around the globe, I finally learned how to connect the dots between my map and my compass.

And guess what? I get lost a whole lot less these days.

Wouldn’t it be great if we had a similar system for navigating life—not just streets and train schedules, but our emotions, reactions, and relationships?

Good news: we do. It’s called the Window of Tolerance.

Meet Hyper and Hypo

Before we jump into definitions, let me introduce your nervous system's unlikely mascots:

Meet Hyper

He’s a spirited little guy—adorable, wide-eyed, and full of energy. Maybe too much energy sometimes. He means well, but when things pile up, he can spiral into anxiety, fear, or full-blown emotional overwhelm. One minute he’s bouncing off the walls, the next he’s panicking or snapping in frustration.

And when it really gets to be too much? He freezes—stuck like a “Deer in the headlights.”

Hard to believe with that cute little face, right? But hey, even lizards have their limits.

Meet Hypo

Hypo is a gentle giant. Big-hearted, calm... and often running on low battery. He’s the kind of creature who might drift into the background when things get heavy. You’ll notice it in his blank stare, his heavy body, his quiet withdrawal.

Sometimes, he feels so disconnected he can't even find words—and not just because he’s a hippo. (Though let’s be real, speech isn't exactly his strong suit.)

He’s not lazy or uninterested—he’s just in “shutdown mode,” doing the best he can to get through.

These two guys help visualize the two ways we can get thrown out of our window of tolerance. You’ll see them pop up in the infographic below—and once you get to know them, you might just start spotting them in your daily life too.

What Is the Window of Tolerance?

Adaptation of Window of Tolerance by NICABM.

This infographic is adapted from one created by NICABM (National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine). You can find the full-size, unaltered version here.

Originally developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, the Window of Tolerance is a framework that helps us understand the zone in which we feel grounded, emotionally balanced, and able to respond to challenges with clarity and calm.

When we’re inside the window, we can:

Reflect before reacting
Connect meaningfully with others
Access creativity, focus, and resilience

But stress, past trauma, or current overwhelm can shrink that window—and when we fall outside it, we often default to survival patterns:

Hyperarousal (Fight or Flight): Where Hyper takes over.
Hypoarousal (Freeze): Where Hypo shuts things down.

Your window isn’t fixed—it can expand over time, especially when you learn to notice and respond to the signals your body and mind are sending.

The Neuroscience Behind Your Stress Compass

A quick disclaimer: My background is in tech, not neuroscience. I’m not a subject matter expert, but I’m deeply curious—and I’ve learned a lot from those who are. Much of what I share here is inspired by the insights of Dr. Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist at Stanford and host of the Huberman Lab podcast. If you're curious to dive deeper, check out his episode: How Your Nervous System Works & Changes.

Our body and brain are in constant conversation through several key systems, forming the inner GPS of how we experience and respond to stress:

🧠 The Vagus Nerve: Think of it as the superhighway between our brain and body. It carries sensory information from both external experiences and internal states, influencing our stress responses.
👁️ Exteroception: This is how we interpret the world through our senses—sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste. Past experiences leave “breadcrumbs” in our brain that guide how we respond to what’s happening now.

💓 Interoception: The awareness of internal bodily sensations—often on auto-pilot—provides critical feedback about our emotional state. Techniques like grounding exercises help bring interoceptive awareness to the forefront.

🧍 Proprioception: This sense informs us about our body’s position in space, supporting a sense of safety and control. Feeling grounded physically often supports feeling grounded emotionally.

🧠 Conceptual Processing: This is how we make sense of our experiences—the stories we tell ourselves, and the beliefs we carry about ourselves and the world.

💬 Emotional Integration: Emotions are the bridge between our body and our thoughts. As Amanda Blake explains in her work, emotions are central to behavior. Tuning in to our bodily cues can help us understand and shift our emotional state.

As Viktor Frankl beautifully put it:

“Between the stimulus and the response there is a space. And in that space lies our freedom and power.”

Most of our habitual stress responses are wired into the body. That means change doesn't come just from thinking differently—it comes from feeling differently, too.

And good news: when we pause and practice awareness (even for just 90 seconds), we can let a wave of emotion rise and fall. That brief window is enough to reset the nervous system—and get us back inside our Window of Tolerance.

Identifying Your Personal Signs with Hyper and Hypo

As we pause and breathe, let’s meet up with Hyper and Hypo again, and let them help us explore what’s going on internally when we're inside the Window of Tolerance, and when we step outside.

How Does It Feel Inside Your Window?

Do you, like Hyper and Hypo, long to spend more of your emotional life on that peaceful beach in the center?

Or maybe your version is a forest, a quiet meadow, or a cozy reading nook.

Wherever your “calm place” is—use your imagination. It’s always available to you.

Close your eyes. Picture yourself there. How do you feel?

Calm?
Focused?
Engaged?

If you're like me—more naturally wired for logic and analysis—naming emotions might not come easy. A tool I often recommend is The Feeling Wheel, designed by Gloria Willcox (1982). It’s especially helpful when you want to build your emotional vocabulary or just pause to check in with yourself.

Let’s be real: even if you’re great at naming emotions, how often do we actually pause long enough to notice what we’re feeling, let alone identify it?

If you’re starting to feel motivated to tune in and spend more time in that “emotional beach zone,” here are a few gentle practices to explore. These aren’t exhaustive. Pick what feels right. And yes—using ChatGPT for more ideas is totally fair game 😄

Practices to Help You Stay Within (or Return to) Your Window

Pause and Reflect

Remember Viktor Frankl’s wisdom:

“Between the stimulus and response, there is a space.”

Use that space to pause. Breathe. Let go.

Want a tool?

I’ve got you—check out these blog posts:

How You Can Create Space for Clarity — Anytime, Anywhere. It includes practical tips like the physiological sigh or—depending on your beliefs—a breath prayer.

From Chaos to Clarity: A Simple, Reflective Practice Using Imagination and Emotion. It's a simple, creative way to check in with yourself using just your imagination. Through guided prompts, you’ll explore your current inner landscape.

🧘 Practice Mindfulness: Whether it’s a daily meditation, intentional breathing, or a mindful walk (my personal favorite), these practices can increase emotional regulation over time.

📓 Journal for Awareness: Reflective writing can help you notice patterns, identify triggers, and surface emotions that may otherwise stay buried.

How Hyper and Hypo feel when they're outside their window.

How does Hyper feel?

Now think back to a moment that left you stressed or overwhelmed—maybe tough feedback, a heated exchange, or something small that just hit wrong.

How does that feel? Relating to Hyper?

Maybe you want to be on that serene beach, but it feels like there’s a volcano bubbling under the surface. You’re jumpy. Wired. On edge. Or maybe… completely frozen.

Anxious?
Fearful?
Emotionally overwhelmed?
Angry or panicked?
Frozen like a deer in headlights?

That’s Hyper.

How does Hypo feel?

Or maybe you relate more to Hypo.

You want to splash into the ocean with joy… but it’s like you're stuck in a swamp.

Everything feels muted, heavy, far away.

Numb?
Spaced out?
Zoned out?
Too tired to talk?
Emotionally flat?

That’s Hypo.

You might not feel exactly like either of them—and that’s okay. What matters is learning to spot your own early signs of dysregulation so you can take steps to return to balance.

This is the foundation for increasing emotional resilience.

And if naming emotions is still hard? Go ahead and revisit The Feeling Wheel. It’s a powerful ally in this work.

Regulation Strategies: Techniques for Emotional Balance

The best news? Our Window of Tolerance isn’t fixed. We can grow it through intentional practice.

Over time, neuroplasticity—the brain’s remarkable ability to rewire itself—supports these practices by creating new neural connections. As you repeatedly engage in self-regulation strategies, you reinforce neural pathways associated with calm and focus. This process gradually expands your window of tolerance, giving you greater flexibility in handling stress and fostering long-term emotional well-being.

If you want to learn more about neuroplasticity and rewiring your brain, check out Dr. Andrew Huberman's podcast "How to focus to change your Brain".

Now let’s take a look at some of the tools our friends Hyper and Hypo are trying to get back to that calm beach...

For Hyper (Overwhelm/Anxiety)

🫁 Deep, Diaphragmatic Breathing: Try box breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4.

🌍 Grounding Techniques: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method: Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.

🚶‍♀️ Physical Movement: Walk, stretch, or dance it out. I picture Hyper zooming around the room like a caffeine-powered lizard 🦎—can you?

For Hypo (Numbness/Disconnection)

🧘 Gentle Physical Activity: Try some yoga, or even just a big body stretch. For comic relief: Hypo in a downward dog 😂

🎨 Sensory Engagement: Bright colors, strong flavors, energizing music—anything that activates your senses. This engages both external (exteroceptive) and internal (interoceptive) awareness, helping your brain reset.

👫 Social Connection: Talk to a friend. Join a class. Reconnect with someone safe.

✍️ Prompts for Reflection

Prompts to help reconnect when Hyper or Hypo show up.

Want to deepen your understanding? Try these:

What helps me return to calm when I'm stressed?
How do I recognize when I'm becoming overwhelmed or disconnected?
What's one small thing I can try when I notice signs of dysregulation?
What past tools have helped me re-center?
What kind of support would make a difference right now?

Looking for Support?

Understanding your Window of Tolerance is just the beginning.

If you’re ready to go deeper—to tune into your nervous system, shift long-held patterns, and build true emotional resilience—you don’t have to do it alone.

Let’s explore this together. I offer coaching experiences designed to reconnect your heart and mind so you can navigate life’s transitions with clarity and confidence.